The Undead Next Door
by se7ensecrets
Summary: Eric and Pam move into Wisteria Lane. Pam, upon meeting Bree, takes an interest in her and makes it her mission to get her into bed. Easier said than done, when you're object of desire is Bree Hodge.
1. Part 1  Night Movers

**Title:** The Undead Next Door

**Author: **se7ensecrets

**Fandom:** True Blood/Desperate Housewives (crossover/alternate universe)

**Pairing:** Pam/Bree

**Rating:** Will eventually be NC-17. Early chapters are probably in the PG-13 / R range.

**Spoilers:** Probably.

**Word Count: **

**Summary:** This is kind of an AU type deal, with it also being a crossover. Are crossover fics automatically considered AU? -ponders- Whatever. Here's the deal. Eric and Pam move into Wisteria Lane, wanting a change of scenery from boring ole' Bon Temps. Pam, upon meeting Bree, takes an interest in her and makes it her mission to get her into bed (Rule #1 in Pam's handbook: When it comes to sex, glamouring is for losers). Easier said than done, when you're object of desire is Bree Hodge/Van de Kamp/whatever it is that she goes by these days (she'll always be Bree Van de Kamp to me).

I'm going to say this is set after Orson finally leaves Bree for good, cause I need her to be single. You can forget that contractor of hers for a little. ;]

**Author's Note:** Now, I'm just going to warn everyone before you figure it out for yourselves, I may be excruciatingly slow in updating this story. I do not consider myself a writer by any means. I procrastinate to the extreme when it comes to writing. I only do it when the mood strikes me and sometimes not even then. I may not continue this story EVER after this chapter, for all I know. Just... letting you know, cause I'm nice like that. =) So don't go expecting further chapters or speedy updates. And I apologize for my laziness. =P

Part 1

**"Night Movers"**

It was nice out tonight, I thought, as I exited Gabby's home after one of her dinner parties. All the stars were out, the moon was full and it wasn't too warm or too cold. It was just perfect.

I started heading home, listening to the heels of my black stilettos click on the sidewalk as I went, until a completely different sound filled my ears off in the distance.

A large van had pulled up to one of the unoccupied houses just across from Bree's and stopped. Two men in grey work uniforms got out and started unloading boxes onto the driveway, just as a black Mercedes pulled up and parked in front of the house on the side of the road.

"A moving van, at this hour?" I thought to myself, as I reached the driveway of my own home. What a time they had picked.

Curiosity took hold of me as I stood by and watched the Mercedes headlights shut off and both car doors swing open. A very tall man, a good deal over 6 feet with slicked back, blonde hair descended from the vehicle, along with a female who was also quite statuesque, but a few inches shorter than the man, with long blonde hair that cascaded down to the middle of her back. They were both sporting matching track suits to boot.

"A new couple," I presumed. The tall, blonde man picked up two large boxes with little to no effort as the woman stood by and watched him carry them through the front door of the house. She seemed to be bickering with the two moving men, as they attempted to maneuver a full length mirror from the back of the van.

As the tall blonde man was once again piling more boxes into his arms, one of the movers bumped into him just as he turned around, causing a box to tumble to the concrete and its contents to spill out onto the driveway. The blonde woman rushed to the fallen box, picking up it's things as she turned to her spouse, holding up a shoe and shaking it at him furiously.

"Oh, she's one of those. Well, I guess Gabby will have found a new bonding mate." I had had enough eavesdropping fun for one night and my feet were starting to hurt from my shoes, so I turned my view from the blonde couple and headed inside for the night. I'd made a mental note to drop by tomorrow afternoon to welcome them to the neighborhood and introduce myself. I wondered to myself as I got into bed if they'd like blueberry muffins or scones better.


	2. Part 2  All Dead In Here

Author's Note: Alright, slight change in plot. Although not really, I just didn't divulge on this in the summary cause I wasn't sure how I wanted to approach this yet. In this universe, vampires are not "out of the coffin" yet. So Eric and Pam's true identity is something that is hidden here, but obviously, not for too long. ;]

Also, I promise a less boring next chapter. lol Just trying to set things up.

Part 2

**"All Dead In Here"**

"That woman was watching us," Pam brought up, as she was peeking through the curtains of their new home over at Bree's house across the street.

"What woman?" Eric asked, not really interested in what Pam was talking about, as he was trying to find and gather the boxes that needed to be taken upstairs.

"The redhead who lives across the street. She was watching us as we were moving in."

"As we were moving in... That's funny. I thought I had carried most of your belongings," Eric said, looking up from his task to give Pam a knowing glance.

Pam shrugs him off. "Whatever. Do you think she suspects anything?"

"Why would she? We look like a perfectly normal married couple."

She shivers at Eric's mention of their so called marriage. "Please, don't remind me. And do not expect me to be affectionate with you in any capacity while in public," Pam states with a stern stare.

"You're acting as if this is the first time we have posed as a married couple. But besides, you have to be, or else people really will start wondering."

"Then let them wonder. We're not newlyweds. If we're going to be a real married couple, we can't possibly like each other that much anymore, anyway. The spark is gone," Pam says dejectedly, turning her gaze to the house across the street again.

Eric freezes, "Wow. Tell me how you really feel, Pam," he delivers emotionless-ly.

Pam pays no mind and continues staring over at the redheaded woman's house, tapping her finger nails on the window pane. A light was on in one of the upstairs rooms, it was the only light on in the entire house. Pam's eyes were fixed on that lit room. It consisted of two vertical windows. She would see the figure of the woman appear briefly from time to time while conversing with Eric, but now it was consistent. She watched intently as the woman came right up to the window. She was dressed in a white bathrobe as she drew the thin curtains closed on each window. Pam could still see her shadow through the curtains as the woman discarded her robe and pulled a night gown over her head, readying herself for bed.

As Bree walked out of view, the lights went out shortly after. Pam smirked to herself, "Sleep tight."

Bree woke bright and early the next morning. She wore her best Saturday outfit, which consisted of light brown slacks and a red knitted sweater, complete with a pearl necklace.

She grabbed the small basket of blueberry muffins off the kitchen counter and headed over to the house across the street. As she approached the front door, she paused for a moment before knocking. She took her free hand and glided it over her hair, making sure no strands were out of place. Satisfied, Bree knocked firmly 3 times on the dark red door. She waited patiently, a wide smile plastered on her pale face, anticipating who would be greeting her on the other side of that door. But that greeting never came, so she decided to knock again, thinking maybe they hadn't heard her. More face muscles were strained and... nothing. Bree stepped back a few paces, looking over at their driveway. The same black Mercedes that she saw them drive up in last night was parked.

"They must be home if their car is here, right?" Bree pondered, confused.

It was a quarter past eleven o'clock on a Saturday, do they really sleep in this late? Bree touched her finger to her chin in thought. She decided to look in one of the front windows for any signs of life. With both her hands pressed to the window and her face between them to see better, there was not much to be seen at all. Bree was looking into their kitchen, which was almost completely bare.

"Well, they did just move in. They must be exhausted from unpacking and driving from wherever it is that they've come from. I guess I'll come back later," she thought to herself.

Bree turned and headed back home, muffins in tow.

Eric was relaxing in their new clawfoot tub, legs perched up and crossed on the side and eyes closed when he heard the bathroom door open abruptly. The sound of heels clicking on the marble floor didn't disturb him until her voice rang in his ears.

"We've been invited to a dinner party," Pam declared, shoving the invitation in Eric's face.

With one eye open, Eric snatched the card out of Pam's hand, annoyance showing. "What for?"

"How should I know? It's from our neighbors, the Solis'. They have the nicest house on the whole block. I almost want to RSVP for that alone," Pam says, considering the invite.

"Well, we do need to fit in the best we can. Go ahead and RSVP. When is this dinner party taking place?"

"Tomorrow night. Eight o'clock."

Eric huffs at this. "Just after the sun hits the horizon. Perfect."

Pam nods her head slightly. "I wonder if our redheaded stalker will be there." Her eyes lit up at the thought.

Eric notices her enthusiasm and decides to pick at her. "So she's a stalker now? From the way you were watching her every move last night, from the confines of your own home, I'd say you were the stalker. Or maybe just a peeping Tom. Whichever you feel best describes your actions."

"I was just joking." She scowls, looking off to the side.

Eric rolls his eyes at her a little and sits up in the tub to give her his full attention. "You don't even know this woman. If she does show up tomorrow night, be careful." He puts emphasis on the last two words, warning her.

"Am I ever less than?" Pam asks, taking offense.

Without missing a beat, "Yes." Eric knew Pam could be careless when it came to women she fancied. Especially if they put up a resistance. She'd claw her way in somehow, even if it came close to costing her.


End file.
